Out of curiosity, how is it possible that we're up to the fourth episode of "Big Brother 5" already and absolutely nothing has actually happened? While the previous episodes have provided the proper amount of alliance building and backstabbing, Thursday's (July 15) episode will mark the first chance to get rid of a housemate.

Thursday also, thankfully, means the return of host Julie Chen. The Bare-Shouldered Wonder reminds viewers of what has happened over the last week, even though her segment immediately follows the "Previously on 'Big Brother'" recap. Even if she's entirely superfluous, we couldn't love her any more if we were Les Moonves or if she actually contributed anything to this show.

Once again, Michael and Jennifer are sitting alone, isolated from the group, discussing how even though they're brother and sister, they won't spend time alone, isolated from the group, talking about how they're brother and sister.

Blonde Brainiac Holly, possibly my favorite "Big Brother" contestant ever, is flirting with Jase. She cuddles with him and spells his name in mustard next to his lunch sandwich. Others may debate whether her helium voice, maniacal giggle and blatant and overwhelming idiocy are strategy or product of excessive mercury ingestion, I prefer to believe that she's wrapping everybody around her finger and that soon, like a viper, she'll strike.

Mike is scrambling for his life, trying to warn everybody that Jase and Scott are a dangerous force to be reckoned with. Nobody cares. Drew, not necessarily the brightest florescent in the House, says somewhat mournfully that he wishes he'd had the opportunity to absorb more of The Don's great wisdom.

Jase, reclining on a hammock, expresses his conviction that the Four Horsemen of Frat Row are going to make it all the way to the end. Since the spiky-haired mastermind has already told the camera once tonight how brilliant he is, I'm sure I wouldn't have to make him look up "hubris" in the dictionary.

From the evidence in the Diary Room, we learn that most of the housemates think that Mike is shrewd and savvy and we discover that Jennifer has nipple rings and that, if Adria is to be trusted, she also kinda smells (though that's only an implication from editing, since Adria could be referring to Mike's odor as well). What we don't get is a sense of whether the voting is going to be shocking.

It isn't.

Julie gives Jennifer and Mike a chance to defend themselves. They mostly just agree that they're happy in the house and they love everybody. The vote is actually unanimous and Mike is sent packing. He's not sad to be leaving, but he sure would have liked at least one vote.

Much of his disappointment is mitigated by the opportunity for a sit-down with Julie. He admits that he's OK to be going home, because he misses his job and his kids and, I guess, his baby mommas.

"Thank God I'm drunk right now, because I couldn't handle this if I were sober," Jase says as the surviving housemates enjoy a good group hug.

The farewell wishes are telling. Holly gets to giggle. Will describes, without euphemism, we trust, how intellectually stimulated Mike made him. Drew asks if Mike ever knew that he was his hero and that he was everything he wished he could be. Marvin kids the outgoing Bush Booster that there won't be any hanging chads in this election (no word on whether Mike plans to appeal to his buddies on the Supreme Court). And Scott skips the pleasantries towards Mike and gets to talk about how he (Saint Soulpatch) is the strongest player in the game. At some point during this game, Scott may vote to evict himself just so that he can say his name on camera and talk about how he's his own toughest competition. Scott really respects the way Scott is playing the game.

With one half of Project DNA still safely in place, Julie introduces the Head of Household competition. The game is "Majority Rules" and asks the houseguests to guess what the majority of houseguests think on a variety of inane topics. The majority agrees that Scott looks at himself in the mirror more than Jase does. Scott disagrees, perhaps rationalizing that he doesn't look at himself nearly enough in the mirror. For some reason, more people in the house want to receive mouth-to-mouth from Drew than from Diane. Goodness gracious, Julie, what kind of stupid questions are these? Frankly, if I had kids, I wouldn't let either Scott or Holly anywhere near them. Fortunately, there is no majority on that particular issue. The tie-breaking question asks how many yellow food balls were grabbed by all of the housemates during the show's first game. The correct answer, not that anybody cares, is 100 and Marvin comes the closest.

Either there's about to be a new rider with the Horsemen, or else power has already shifted away from the House of Prep-resentatives.

The time has come to reveal the extra twist of Project DNA. Apparently the Mystery Twins have already swapped on three occasions, slipping in and out through the Diary Room. The twin on the outside lives in total seclusion, which is, frankly, a really horrible deal. As much as I wish that Holly was a twin, it turns out that Adria and sister Natalie have been interchangeable. They have to alternate for five weeks and if they can fool everybody for that length of time, they can both be in the house and play for the money as individuals.

Natalie, who has a telltale scar, is already on the verge of an identity crisis having to respond to "A" all day. Frankly, while they're very very similar, the differences aren't hard to spot. They appear to be different sizes and have different postures. Natalie seems to have a noticeably broader face, though Adria notes that they've been using hats and other accessories to distract their housemates.

The episode culminates with Adria returning to the house. Or maybe it ends with Natalie returning to the house. It's not a twist if I just choose to ignore it. "Big Brother" shouldn't assume that I'm going to care.